Strengthening the bond with your child
Children are born with a very strong emotional sense, something we tend to loose as adults. Children can also be very picky when it comes to truly bonding. Adding certain habits to your daily routine will strengthen the bond with your child - without necessarily spending extra time on it. These are the ten habits that strengthen the bond between your child and you:
Daily habits
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Go for 12 hugs (or other physical connections) per day.
Family therapist Virginia Satir once said that we need four hugs a day to survive, eight to stay stable, and twelve to grow. By giving you at least 12 hugs a day less, nothing can go wrong. I'm Spanish and we are used to give each-other a lot of hugs but then COVID-19 hit us and suddenly what was once normal seemed taboo. Don't let your actions out of home dictate how you behave inside your house. Hug your children as much as possible, even though they don't see you doing it outside.
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Play together.
Laughing and acting crazy together stimulates endorphins and oxytocin in both of you. The more your child sees you laugh the more he/she will start doing it too. Children can be stressful but please don't let this stress dominate your day. Laugh as much as you can during the day and I mean laughing out loud not just smiling.
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Stay offline while interacting with your child.
I know that parenting can be a rollercoaster and we long for those alone times when we can finally catch up with our friends from our previous, pre-children life via WhatsApp and Facebook. I've noticed I starting picking up my phone more often, even when I'm actually with my child. This might seem like nothing but your child notices these things. Please try to separate the time you spend on your phone and the time you are with them.
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Talk before certain milestones.
Babies and children go through various stages in life and they are quite honest life changing in their minds. Think about the first time you take them to a nursery school or primary school. Think also for example about the first time you let them out of your sight and let them stay with your parents. I also remember the first time we took away my sons dummy. These are all big milestones for a child and they need a little reassurance that everything will be OK. They don't have the experiences we have to cope with these things yet. Look at them and make them laugh and make a connection before the big step, you make everything a little easier.
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Make time for the two of you.
Try to find some alone time with you and your child and dedicate that time for the full 100% to them. Let your child pick the activity, wether it's playing, running around or just nothing at all. The most important thing here is to be 100% dedicated to them. If you have more than one you will need to spend speedster time with each of them.
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Allow emotion.
Your child must be able to express his emotions or they will affect his behaviour. In addition, it greatly strengthens your bond if he can vent his heart to you or your partner. Let all feelings be there and also try to take into account how you react to certain emotions. For example, don't react angrily to angry feelings. Prepare for the tears and fears behind the anger. After an eruption, he feels more relaxed and more connected to you. It is difficult to control your own emotions, but more so it is important to be aware of your emotions and aware of the effect they might have on your children.
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Listen and empathise.
Connection starts with listening and I'm talking about really listening and not just hearing and nodding. Ask questions, empathise with the situation and show genuine interest in what your child is trying to tell you or what they're doing. Say goodbye to the nods and absent "uhuhs".
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Enjoy the moment.
Every moment of interaction during the day is an opportunity to strengthen your bond. Be aware of that and try to understand the value of the small moments. Connecting is only possible if you live in the here and now.
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Quality time before bedtime.
Don't rush your child to bed because it's too late. Try planning your day and the evening accordingly so you have ample time when bringing them to bed. Use this time to have a chat with them and one of my favourites, talk to them about their day and start as early as possible. I'm talking even when they cant really understand you yet. Talk about everything like fears, disappointments or joyful moments. You don't have to find a solution, just listening is enough. It shows them you care. It's the perfect time to close the day
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Make sure you are present.
We often live half present. Logical, but it is important to realise that your child will be with you for about 900 weeks before spreading his wings. Before you know it - he's gone. Try to be present during the interaction. Leave everything else behind for a while. You may not always succeed, but it is something to practice. As soon as you start making a habit of this, you will see that you are getting better and better.
Source: Mother.ly
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